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Crossing your
personal finish line….only no one is there!
Copyright 2006 by Evamarie Pilipuf
The
snowflakes were the size of cotton balls -- and may as well have been comprised
of the same considering how quickly the drifts were piling up. “It’s advised
that you not leave the house if you don’t have to,” I heard the news radio
meteorologist sternly warn as I gripped the not-so-power steering wheel of my
1994 Dodge Shadow, and squinted through the tiny peepholes the wheezing
defroster had thus far granted me. As if the wasteland of spun-out cars and
trucks in ditches wasn’t already a good indicator that this wasn’t a good time
to be commuting to work! But duty called, and being already seven
death-defying miles into my 20-mile trek to the office, I reluctantly gave up
on any remnant fantasy of retreating back to the cave, brewing a cup of
hazelnut tea, and spending the day nestled in a cocoon of warm, fuzzy novels
and reruns of Remington Steele. Besides, I thought, I’m always up for a
challenge, and fighting the perils of this late winter storm, while
nerve-wracking, seemed to be provoking the competitive athlete in me, eliciting
steely-eyed concentration and triumphant sighs with each stretch of road
successfully tackled. I was going to prove, darn it, what a trooper I am! Let
others wimp out and stay home, today I would show off my grit, unveil my
unyielding occupational dedication (and hopefully garner some extra-credit
brownie points for my devotion). The anticipated gratification upon making my
arrival – the bragging rights and battle stories it would give me for days to
come – became that morning’s carrot stick, enabling me to brave what otherwise
would have been an extremely frightening and stressful drive for me.
Three and a
half gluteal-gripping hours later, I exhaled exhaustively as I pulled into the
parking lot. I’d made it, and in one piece, no less. Being it was now 10:30,
I wondered how surprised my boss would be to see me, whether he had assumed, by
now, that I had given up the goat and gone home (I had called and left a
message early on that I was en route, but that was a long time ago, I told
myself, and anything could have happened between then and now). I even had a
flash moment of wonder….would my boss even himself have made it in to work?
Granted, his commute wasn’t as long as mine, but on a day like this…. Even
those living a mile away would surely think twice before leaving the safe
sanctuary of their house.
Thus, I
strode confidently and breathlessly into the office, ready to accept the ooh’s
and ah’s in response to my victorious journey.
But then?
Nothing. In fact, worse than nothing. As I walked the aisles and navigated
the labyrinth to my desk, I quickly made a disturbing and surprising
discovery: Everyone else was there! All my colleagues, all fellow
employees….they’d all made it in. Worse, it seemed they had all done so
substantially ahead of me. So naturally, no one was particularly impressed
with my dramatic entrance. In fact, no one seemed to notice. As soon as I had
my coat off and began work, it was business as usual. I think it took a good
hour and a half before anyone even mentioned the weather, and even then, it was
just a casual, “Kind of a yucky day out there, isn’t it?” Yucky? No no. A
sloppy rain day in June, that’s yucky. This? This was cataclysmic, right up
there with getting lost in the desert and living to tell about it. What was
the MATTER with these people? Did no one begin to appreciate the miracle each
of us just experienced in steering our would-be deathmobiles to their safe
destination? Annoyed but humbled, I shook off my disappointment and went to
work.
Why do I
bring this story up? Because the pursuit of fitness is often riddled with
similar frustration. You struggle along, overcoming huge challenges, plowing
through barriers, pulling out depths of effort and discipline you never knew
you had (and more over, never dreamed you’d need just to lose a few pounds and
add some muscle tone to your body!). Yet in spite of the cravings you faced
down, in spite of the daily workouts you endured, in spite of surviving the
veritable blizzard of junk food and societal enticements to break your resolve,
in spite of your Herculean defeat of the “enemy” -- bad habits and sedentary
lifestyle, no one is at the finish line to cheer you on. No one seems to
realize, or even care. Work is the same. Morning TV shows are the same. The
weather is the same. Excited beyond description, you want to be able to share
the joy with someone, to bask in the glow of the accomplishment. So when no
one is there to chant “You did it!”, there can be an odd… letdown.
Don’t get
me wrong, we don’t (hopefully we don’t, anyway) pursue healthy eating and
exercise for the sake of validation from others – we do it because we have a
goal that relates to our physical, mental, and/or spiritual health. And
there’s no question, reaching that goal, or achieving a huge milestone in your
fitness path, is where the reward is at. But still… there’s often a desire to
reap at least SOME recognition for all your hard work. And when it doesn’t
come….when the heavens don’t open up and angels down sing down on you…quite
frankly, that can be quite a bummer! But the truth it, no one but you will
ever know the valiant effort it took for you to reach your goal. Sure, people
can sometimes see visual changes, such as weight loss, and at least have an
idea that you’ve put in some hard work. But no one can truly know the
nitty-gritty details of how much it took for you to say no to your former ways
and pave a new lifestyle – even if just to tweak a program already in
progress. And this is something you need to anticipate, so that when you DO
hit your mark, when you do reach your goal, when you do win the prize….you are
able to celebrate it on your own, without the unlikely (even if deserved!)
accompanying ticker tape parade. File it under “Would be nice, but not
necessary.”
One of
life’s mysteries…. we can make huge changes in ourselves, but at the end of the
day, the only person who’s likely to notice – REALLY notice – is yourself. And
that’s quite okay!
-ep
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